- Teens prefer hasty hookups over dedicated dating - The Observer
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- How would you want to have someone ask you out?
It could be someone they know was going to be there, someone they have a crush on or someone they have never met before. They focus on quantity—the number of hookups—while others on quality. One reason some teens may choose hookups over relationships is because of the commitment and responsibility that comes with a serious relationship. Unlike dating, hooking up does not require teens to be devoted to one specific person.
Instead, hookups allow teenagers the freedom and flexibility to experiment. Even though teens may favor hooking up, not all aspects of this trend are positive. Hooking up often creates awkward social environments, especially when it occurs between friends. This can lead to one-sided feelings, misunderstandings and confusion for both people involved. Although hooking up is a big part of the culture of high school students, high school relationships are not extinct. Long-term relationships are still present among teenagers and many teens date throughout their high school years.
Granted, my experience was back in the dark ages I graduated in , and I went to high school with a lot of prudish sorts, but I'd be really iffy about getting involved in a FWB arrangement. It sends the message that at least one of the parties doesn't see the other as being good enough to date.
This arrangement might be fun in bed in fact, potentially not but distressing outside of it. Casual relationships aren't planned - that's what makes them casual. FWB arrangements can be great, but don't try to set one up with a girl you know already has feelings for you. I'd like to know what the YA folks said You talked to her for a week, three months ago. She's not good enough to be your girlfriend, but hey, maybe you could talk her into fucking you.
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If you're going to broach this topic my very forceful suggestion: Bear in mind that the chance of any remotely positive outcome is very, very low. Yeah, sorry to be blunt, but casual fucking comes a bit later. When you're in high school you need to be in love forever. Seriously, casual sex comes later. Wait your turn like everybody else.
Or what turgid dahlia said. Hmm - an excuse to consult the high school sexual relationships map I think.
I agree with jayder. Boys doing this into their early 20s is one thing, but round the teen years we're all fragile animals. You don't know whether, once sex is involved, she will fall for you hard in the way teens can and do. Scarleteen is an excellent resource for exploring these sorts of conundrums, and is designed for young adults in jr.
It is one t, though. Two ts takes you to a different kind of resource.
Teens prefer hasty hookups over dedicated dating - The Observer
I think that way lies madness, especially if you're both virgins. You have no way of knowing how sex is going to affect you emotionally -- and sometimes it really can pack a huge emotional wallop, especially if it's new. I would concentrate more on the innocent parts of emotional connection first -- you say you're not ready for a girlfriend, I would concentrate on garden-variety social experiences and emotionally connecting with people, and with yourself, first.
Sex will come later, you've got time. I didn't have sex until I was 19 and it didn't kill me. I think the people in this thread have it covered. They've given you good advice on how to approach a girl with this kind of proposition and warned you of its pitfalls and general inadvisability. But I definitely want to congratulate you on the fact that you're prepared to do this honourably.
You're not the type of boy who would act like you are interested in someone, sleep with her and then never talk to her again. You're ready to be up front with a girl about the fact that you don't have a relationship in mind and you just want to be friends with privileges. Stand by this modus operendus. I've known men twice your probable age who don't get the importance of this principle, so I admire the fact that your first instinct is to be honest and not take advantage of anyone's hopes. This is a stupid idea.
I think its pretty hard for a lot of people to separate sex from all the sorts of emotions that come from the act.
And I think in High School, it's all the more difficult. No matter how cool and honest and whatever else both of you think you are. Though the drama that results will probably be a very high school experience. Why not just have a high school girlfriend? A steady high school girlfriend is not your life partner or soul mate by definition.
And as everyone said above, you'll have a much better angle acting like a normal high school boy who likes a girl than some creep who doesn't actually like you, but just wants to sexually explore you. If you have so little interest in this girl that she's interchangeable with any other girl that would let you "sexually explore" with her, stay away. Most adults can't navigate this category without hurt feelings and making jerks of themselves.
Look, I want to snark at you here, pretty hardcore. It's kind of wishful thinking, selfish and poorly-articulated.
How would you want to have someone ask you out?
That said, there were plenty of people in my high school circles that managed to pull this off. I wasn't one of them, and I'm trying not to let that color my response. Looking back on it, a lot of the criteria seem absolutely moronic, but that wasn't true at the time. The folks I knew who pulled this off were in one of two classes: Either they were "cool," meaning that they did some sort of activity well that was valued socially, or they were part of a tight-knit group that was interested in doing stuff like this.
If you really care for each other, try it. But make sure he wears a bow tie. Bow ties are cool. Seems a lot more weird to expect a long term relationship without starting one What's so weird about being casual at first? That's how it's supposed to be. Related Questions Casual Sex In high school.? What is "dressy casual" attire for a High school reunion?
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